Chris and Marie rode the elevator at the hospital, heading up to visit Angela.
".. I don’t know WHY I’m doing this," Chris nervously wondered aloud.
"Well, me NEITHER, but, you obviously care about her, even if it’s NOT in an intimate way, so don’t over think it," Marie advised.
"...Hey, you wanna do a shot first?" Marie pulled a mini bottle of Tequila from her purse, tilting it back and forth in Chris' face.
"What the fuck? No, I don’t wanna do a shot…where’d you get that?"
"From the cute bartender at the snob fest tonight; he gave me a few of em' " Marie smiled.
"Put that away, God dammit!" Chris whispered as the elevator door opened.
They reached Angela’s room, where Chris quietly tapped on the door. Angela turned her head from the television to the door.
"...Hey, what are you doing?" Angela cheerfully asked.
"We just came back from a business party. Anyway, I told you I’d check on you today. How ya’ doin?" Chris politely asked.
"I’m sore, healing from a concussion AND, I have broken ribs, but I think I’m worse after all the tests they've put me through," Angela sighed.
"When do they think you can leave?" Chris asked.
"Monday, they think."
"Well, that’s good," Chris smiled.
A tray of medical supplies near the sink suddenly crashed to the floor; Marie looked over to Angela and Chris with a grimace.
"Sorry," she whispered, shrugging her shoulders, "...Do they leave salt or limes in these rooms?" Marie sheepishly asked.
Marie had knocked a metal serving tray into the floor while trying to mix a tequila shot in a small paper water cup.
"...Angela, this is my friend, Marie.
Marie, this is Angela," Chris introduced, with an agitated expression.
"Nice to meet you," Marie smiled. Can I have your orange juice?" Marie shyly asked.
"Nice to meet you," Marie smiled. Can I have your orange juice?" Marie shyly asked.
Angela looked to Chris, awkwardly, before politely passing the orange juice from the nightstand to Marie.
Marie made small talk.
Marie made small talk.
"...So, I read that a lot of people die in hospitals from Staph infections. Pretty scary, huh?" Angela politely stared at Marie. "Uh, yeah, I suppose that’s kinda scary; I’d never heard about that," Angela politely replied.
Chris stared solemnly at Marie, who didn’t dare look over at him, as she held a slight smile on her face, maintaining complete eye contact with Angela.
"Yeah, you probably don’t have to worry about that, though, I’m sure you’re Staph-less," Marie nervously laughed. "...The main thing that I'd worry about is a report that I read where pervert nurse assistants fondle heavily medicated patients. You haven't noticed any abnormal medications, have you?' Marie continued.
Angela directed her attention to Chris. "...Hey, my room mate is out of town for a few days," she began. "If they’re letting me out on Monday, I hate to ask, since it may be inappropriate but, do you think you might be able to give me a ride?"
"Why don’t you take your car?" Chris smirked.
"Ha ha ha," Angela sarcastically laughed.
"Of course...it’s not a problem; I can get away from work pretty much anytime," Chris’ assured, as his cell phone rang. "Excuse me; I gotta take this." He stepped into the hall to take a call.
Chris returned a few minutes later to Angela and Marie, who were chatting like long lost friends. "Jesus," he thought, "how do women have so much shit to talk about??"
"Are you ready, Marie?" Chris interrupted.
"Yep."
"OK, Angela, I’ll check in with you here on your room phone on Monday, is that OK?" Chris confirmed.
"Oh, I’ll just call your cell," Angela replied.
"My cell?" Chris seemed puzzled.
"Yeah; Marie gave it to me."
Chris shot an immediate look to Marie who quietly stood, with a forced smile, knowing that she was about to embark on a most unpleasant ride home tonight.
"Well, very good," Chris quickly dismissed. "Yeah, I suppose just give me a call on my cell," he offered as he shot a piercing look to Marie. "Get some rest."
"Thank you guys for stopping by."
"No problem, Angela, have a good night," Chris smiled as he and Marie slowly made their way to the hallway.
The first half of the ride unfolded with complete silence. Finally, Marie spoke first.
"...So, um, I had fun tonight." Her pleasantries were met with deafening silence.
"I don’t suppose you’re too happy with me right now, huh?" Marie timidly asked.
"Marie, I’m too tired and overwhelmed at this point to be anything; don’t worry about it," Chris sighed.
"So, are you excited about your date tomorrow?" She changed the topic.
"I’m nervous," Chris admitted.
"Don’t be nervous, just be yourself."
"Easy for you to say, I think she’s got feelings for the room mate," Chris wondered aloud.
"So what?? Screw that. You just be yourself; she either likes you or she doesn’t. You’re gonna have to accept that your second go around thing works both ways," Marie explained. "...I mean, sure, you have a chance to not make stupid mistakes or be a douche bag." Marie thoughtfully continued,
"...Maybe you’ll correct the person who you became but, in the process, as long as you’re doing everything that you feel is your very best and she decides to pass on it, then it’s clearly not meant to be. Have fun and remember that, if she’s not interested, this time, no one gets hurt. Just be the best version of YOU," Marie continued.
Chris looked over to Marie for a few seconds before offering a rebuttal:
"...Except for me, I could get hurt," he solemnly corrected.
"Well, then, it seems that you haven’t learned anything," she replied.
"What do you mean?" Chris anxiously pried.
"Sweetheart, I can’t answer that one for you." Marie volleyed, placing her hand on Chris' shoulder. "That’s one for YOU to figure out, sweetie."
Chris fixed his eyes on the tail lights of the car ahead; his mind drifted to a darker memory.
"What? Pregnant? As in baby pregnant?"
"Yeah, Chris; what other fucking pregnant is there??" Erin snapped.
"What should we do? You don’t wanna have a kid right now, do you?"
"No. Well...I don’t know, Chris; look, stop pressuring me and try to be unselfish for a fucking second and think of me," Erin yelled.
"Erin, neither of us are in a position, financially or otherwise, to bring a child into the world."
"Yeah, it's too late now," Erin shot back.
Chris had hoped that Erin would abort the child; terminating a pregnancy that Erin felt could go terribly awry anyway, given her medical history with reproductive problems. Termination seemed to be a wise decision. Chris latched on to that information, using it to convince Erin that a child, right now, was a bad idea.
In time, Erin finally went for an abortion, alone. Chris was working and dismissed that he didn’t have time to be there but promised to stop in after his assignments.
This was the beginning of a rapid, downward spiral in an already strained relationship. And why wouldn’t it be? Chris often thought, in retrospect.
Erin called and texted multiple times during Chris' meetings, begging for assurance. She was rightfully scared; the counselors were asking lots of personal questions for which Erin wasn't prepared.
They were simply doing their job by trying to dissuade a young woman from having an abortion. Or, at the very least, warning her of the gravity that her decision presented, especially since it seemed clear that there was no moral support from the father.
It felt humiliating to Erin. "...Right to CHOOSE? Doesn't feel that way," Erin scoffed. She would need unconditional support in the aftermath in order to cope with the ramifications of a monumental choice that she faced.
As she sat, alone and frightened, in a tiny, sterile, cold and lonely examination room, Erin sadly realized that this would soon be the site where a life was about to be taken before it could begin. If the man she loved was snapping at her right now and couldn’t be here for something like this, how could he be there for anything else?
Erin's heart ached. She'd never felt so empty and abandoned in her life. The worst thing, she thought, the man she loved very much had abandoned her through this ordeal. Erin began to cry.
"Dear God, what the fuck was wrong with me? How did I let her go through that alone?' Chris' mind returned to the present, blankly staring at the tail lights ahead.
He reasoned that If he felt this bad, Erin must hold even more resentment toward men, holding such haunting memories swimming in her head.
A unique and dark heartache that creeps from behind dungeon walls, locked securely in the back of a scorned woman's mind, rising to the forefront at untimely moments. It was an oppressive stack of bricks, resting on her shoulders, Chris thought, as he mentally beat himself to a pulp as he and Marie inched towards home.
"...I don’t fucking deserve a chance," he quietly announced. "This is a bad idea, Marie," he resolved.
"Hey…are you OK?" Marie asked with concern in her eyes.
"Yeah, just thinking," Chris grimly replied. "I’m a bad fucking man, I’m not gonna call Erin tomorrow. She’s better off without my sorry ass."
"Yeah? That'd be a GREAT idea, Chris. Look," she continued, "...you’re only a bad person if there’s never been any GOOD in you. You are good, I’ve seen it, Erin has seen it, Angela has seen it; a lot of people have seen it. So, what? You got lost and, from what you’ve told me, you fucked up some things very badly; you made mistakes, Chris. Guess what, honey? Erin made mistakes, too, Chris."
"...Mistakes would be an understatement, Marie."
"Well, you cant forgive yourself and be happy til' you face these things, or you can just take the easy way out. You know what, though? That'd make you a hypocrite, and all that advice you gave your boy, Thomas, means nothing."
Chris listened, intently to Marie's reasoning.
"...Honey, I have no doubt at all that you, finally, understand a great deal about what‘s important and that you understand what love is and how to appreciate it; you’ve learned how to show it better. I see it, Chris, I really do," Marie gently consoled. "But, you gotta realize that your memories aren’t gonna go away and be healed overnight. Keep in mind, Erin doesn’t remember a past with you right now."
"Yeah, well I do," Chris interrupted, with a shameful tone of regret.
"...Then, as you say, you’re a work in progress. You’re on the right path, Chris."
"What if she never realizes how I feel or how much I loved her?" Chris worried.
"Do you know how much?" Marie returned the question.
"Yeah, I do."
"Then, it’s there, waiting to be discovered."
"What if she doesn’t discover it?" Chris asked, feeling utterly defeated.
"Chris, do you have any idea how many people don’t discover the right thing, how many people don’t notice real love? Love that’s hiding in plain sight, right in front of them…ever?"
"Well, that sucks for them," Chris selfishly shot back.
"Yeah, it does, baby, but no one said that love wasn’t complicated; if it were easy then most of the greatest songs and literary works in the world would've never been written...even those shitty songs from Train in their later days. Don't get me wrong, you’ve got your work cut out for you...and, Mom Rock is lame, but, don’t count this thing with Erin out. You should prepare yourself for whatever might happen, though, good or bad. You can only control YOU."
Chris stared solemnly at Marie, who didn’t dare look over at him, as she held a slight smile on her face, maintaining complete eye contact with Angela.
"Yeah, you probably don’t have to worry about that, though, I’m sure you’re Staph-less," Marie nervously laughed. "...The main thing that I'd worry about is a report that I read where pervert nurse assistants fondle heavily medicated patients. You haven't noticed any abnormal medications, have you?' Marie continued.
Angela directed her attention to Chris. "...Hey, my room mate is out of town for a few days," she began. "If they’re letting me out on Monday, I hate to ask, since it may be inappropriate but, do you think you might be able to give me a ride?"
"Why don’t you take your car?" Chris smirked.
"Ha ha ha," Angela sarcastically laughed.
"Of course...it’s not a problem; I can get away from work pretty much anytime," Chris’ assured, as his cell phone rang. "Excuse me; I gotta take this." He stepped into the hall to take a call.
Chris returned a few minutes later to Angela and Marie, who were chatting like long lost friends. "Jesus," he thought, "how do women have so much shit to talk about??"
"Are you ready, Marie?" Chris interrupted.
"Yep."
"OK, Angela, I’ll check in with you here on your room phone on Monday, is that OK?" Chris confirmed.
"Oh, I’ll just call your cell," Angela replied.
"My cell?" Chris seemed puzzled.
"Yeah; Marie gave it to me."
Chris shot an immediate look to Marie who quietly stood, with a forced smile, knowing that she was about to embark on a most unpleasant ride home tonight.
"Well, very good," Chris quickly dismissed. "Yeah, I suppose just give me a call on my cell," he offered as he shot a piercing look to Marie. "Get some rest."
"Thank you guys for stopping by."
"No problem, Angela, have a good night," Chris smiled as he and Marie slowly made their way to the hallway.
The first half of the ride unfolded with complete silence. Finally, Marie spoke first.
"...So, um, I had fun tonight." Her pleasantries were met with deafening silence.
"I don’t suppose you’re too happy with me right now, huh?" Marie timidly asked.
"Marie, I’m too tired and overwhelmed at this point to be anything; don’t worry about it," Chris sighed.
"So, are you excited about your date tomorrow?" She changed the topic.
"I’m nervous," Chris admitted.
"Don’t be nervous, just be yourself."
"Easy for you to say, I think she’s got feelings for the room mate," Chris wondered aloud.
"So what?? Screw that. You just be yourself; she either likes you or she doesn’t. You’re gonna have to accept that your second go around thing works both ways," Marie explained. "...I mean, sure, you have a chance to not make stupid mistakes or be a douche bag." Marie thoughtfully continued,
"...Maybe you’ll correct the person who you became but, in the process, as long as you’re doing everything that you feel is your very best and she decides to pass on it, then it’s clearly not meant to be. Have fun and remember that, if she’s not interested, this time, no one gets hurt. Just be the best version of YOU," Marie continued.
Chris looked over to Marie for a few seconds before offering a rebuttal:
"...Except for me, I could get hurt," he solemnly corrected.
"Well, then, it seems that you haven’t learned anything," she replied.
"What do you mean?" Chris anxiously pried.
"Sweetheart, I can’t answer that one for you." Marie volleyed, placing her hand on Chris' shoulder. "That’s one for YOU to figure out, sweetie."
Chris fixed his eyes on the tail lights of the car ahead; his mind drifted to a darker memory.
"What? Pregnant? As in baby pregnant?"
"Yeah, Chris; what other fucking pregnant is there??" Erin snapped.
"What should we do? You don’t wanna have a kid right now, do you?"
"No. Well...I don’t know, Chris; look, stop pressuring me and try to be unselfish for a fucking second and think of me," Erin yelled.
"Erin, neither of us are in a position, financially or otherwise, to bring a child into the world."
"Yeah, it's too late now," Erin shot back.
Chris had hoped that Erin would abort the child; terminating a pregnancy that Erin felt could go terribly awry anyway, given her medical history with reproductive problems. Termination seemed to be a wise decision. Chris latched on to that information, using it to convince Erin that a child, right now, was a bad idea.
In time, Erin finally went for an abortion, alone. Chris was working and dismissed that he didn’t have time to be there but promised to stop in after his assignments.
This was the beginning of a rapid, downward spiral in an already strained relationship. And why wouldn’t it be? Chris often thought, in retrospect.
Erin called and texted multiple times during Chris' meetings, begging for assurance. She was rightfully scared; the counselors were asking lots of personal questions for which Erin wasn't prepared.
They were simply doing their job by trying to dissuade a young woman from having an abortion. Or, at the very least, warning her of the gravity that her decision presented, especially since it seemed clear that there was no moral support from the father.
It felt humiliating to Erin. "...Right to CHOOSE? Doesn't feel that way," Erin scoffed. She would need unconditional support in the aftermath in order to cope with the ramifications of a monumental choice that she faced.
As she sat, alone and frightened, in a tiny, sterile, cold and lonely examination room, Erin sadly realized that this would soon be the site where a life was about to be taken before it could begin. If the man she loved was snapping at her right now and couldn’t be here for something like this, how could he be there for anything else?
Erin's heart ached. She'd never felt so empty and abandoned in her life. The worst thing, she thought, the man she loved very much had abandoned her through this ordeal. Erin began to cry.
"Dear God, what the fuck was wrong with me? How did I let her go through that alone?' Chris' mind returned to the present, blankly staring at the tail lights ahead.
He reasoned that If he felt this bad, Erin must hold even more resentment toward men, holding such haunting memories swimming in her head.
A unique and dark heartache that creeps from behind dungeon walls, locked securely in the back of a scorned woman's mind, rising to the forefront at untimely moments. It was an oppressive stack of bricks, resting on her shoulders, Chris thought, as he mentally beat himself to a pulp as he and Marie inched towards home.
"...I don’t fucking deserve a chance," he quietly announced. "This is a bad idea, Marie," he resolved.
"Hey…are you OK?" Marie asked with concern in her eyes.
"Yeah, just thinking," Chris grimly replied. "I’m a bad fucking man, I’m not gonna call Erin tomorrow. She’s better off without my sorry ass."
"Yeah? That'd be a GREAT idea, Chris. Look," she continued, "...you’re only a bad person if there’s never been any GOOD in you. You are good, I’ve seen it, Erin has seen it, Angela has seen it; a lot of people have seen it. So, what? You got lost and, from what you’ve told me, you fucked up some things very badly; you made mistakes, Chris. Guess what, honey? Erin made mistakes, too, Chris."
"...Mistakes would be an understatement, Marie."
"Well, you cant forgive yourself and be happy til' you face these things, or you can just take the easy way out. You know what, though? That'd make you a hypocrite, and all that advice you gave your boy, Thomas, means nothing."
Chris listened, intently to Marie's reasoning.
"...Honey, I have no doubt at all that you, finally, understand a great deal about what‘s important and that you understand what love is and how to appreciate it; you’ve learned how to show it better. I see it, Chris, I really do," Marie gently consoled. "But, you gotta realize that your memories aren’t gonna go away and be healed overnight. Keep in mind, Erin doesn’t remember a past with you right now."
"Yeah, well I do," Chris interrupted, with a shameful tone of regret.
"...Then, as you say, you’re a work in progress. You’re on the right path, Chris."
"What if she never realizes how I feel or how much I loved her?" Chris worried.
"Do you know how much?" Marie returned the question.
"Yeah, I do."
"Then, it’s there, waiting to be discovered."
"What if she doesn’t discover it?" Chris asked, feeling utterly defeated.
"Chris, do you have any idea how many people don’t discover the right thing, how many people don’t notice real love? Love that’s hiding in plain sight, right in front of them…ever?"
"Well, that sucks for them," Chris selfishly shot back.
"Yeah, it does, baby, but no one said that love wasn’t complicated; if it were easy then most of the greatest songs and literary works in the world would've never been written...even those shitty songs from Train in their later days. Don't get me wrong, you’ve got your work cut out for you...and, Mom Rock is lame, but, don’t count this thing with Erin out. You should prepare yourself for whatever might happen, though, good or bad. You can only control YOU."
Chris didn't say a word. His thoughts raced.
A few minutes passed when Marie broke the silence:
"...Hey, I’m really sorry about giving Angela your cell, I wasn’t thinking."
Chris detected the sincerity in Marie’s voice. The sound of someone who needed to be believed, a helpless tone from a person searching for forgiveness. He’d heard this sincerity many times from people in his past and he ignored it. He’d offered the same, only to have it ignored as well.
Chris pullef into the driveway. He turned to Marie and stared for a moment. Although he was less than thrilled with her about the cell phone incident, he brushed it off and smiled;
"It’s OK, Marie, I’m not mad, I promise."
Marie turned away, staring deeply through the passenger side window. She smiled to herself…relieved.
copyright, Pontchartrain Press 2008
A few minutes passed when Marie broke the silence:
"...Hey, I’m really sorry about giving Angela your cell, I wasn’t thinking."
Chris detected the sincerity in Marie’s voice. The sound of someone who needed to be believed, a helpless tone from a person searching for forgiveness. He’d heard this sincerity many times from people in his past and he ignored it. He’d offered the same, only to have it ignored as well.
Chris pullef into the driveway. He turned to Marie and stared for a moment. Although he was less than thrilled with her about the cell phone incident, he brushed it off and smiled;
"It’s OK, Marie, I’m not mad, I promise."
Marie turned away, staring deeply through the passenger side window. She smiled to herself…relieved.
copyright, Pontchartrain Press 2008
No comments:
Post a Comment