Erin and Chris sat on her porch for a while after the movie. They exchanged small talk while sipping a beer, enjoying a peaceful evening. They laughed at the occasional lost, drunk out of towner as they stumbled past.
Erin’s other room mate, Kevin, just arrived home from work when he joined their conversation on the porch. In the middle of their chat, Erin’s cell phone rang, it was her boss.
"Excuse me; I gotta take this," she excused herself, going inside to take the call.
"So," Kevin began after a few moments of silence, "you and Erin seem to be hittin’ it off pretty nicely."
"I suppose so," Chris skeptically replied.
"Yeah, I've been seein' you around more often, she’s a cool chick; it’s kinda made things a little weird in the house though," Kevin continued.
"How so?" Chris’ interest peaked.
"With Tim, after things kind of cooled between them."
"What things?" Chris pried, now somewhat jealous.
Kevin looked at Chris with a cocky smile. "You know about them, right?"
"I sensed that she kind of had feelings for him at one time, but nothing became of it," Chris acknowledged.
"It became more than friends dude, only briefly," Kevin explained. "They were good friends and she was going through a bad breakup; it kind of blurred the lines for a while."
"When, all of a sudden?" Chris interjected, growing slightly agitated.
"Oh, she cooled the thing down but he never really quite gave up on it though; he still has some pretty strong feelings for her, Kevin explained. "Look, she’d kill me for tellin’ you, but I wanted to give you a heads up in case you met Tim…he might be a little weird to you."
Kevin and Tim were long time friends. Could it be that Kevin was planting a seed to help Tim by instilling a hint of jealousy in Chris’ head? Chris wondered. Erin hated jealousy.
Erin was at a point in her life where she had finally regained control, she wasn’t going to commit to anything or anyone just yet. She liked Chris but she was resolute about not moving too quickly.
This new found information made sense to Chris. He began to understand why she kept a healthy distance. Chris always had been hasty about jumping to conclusions. His mind raced as he studied Kevin‘s words.
Erin returned from her phone call as Kevin rose from his chair; "I’m headin’ inside kids, nice to see ya’ Chris, take care," he leaned down to shake hands.
Erin sat next to Chris, deeply in thought about her phone call. She was clearly not happy about something and Chris sensed it..
"What’s wrong?" Chris carefully asked.
"Work," she replied.
"What is it?"
"I don’t wanna talk about it right now if that's okay with you Chris.
"C’mon," Chris pressed.
"I said I don’t feel like re-living it," Erin snapped.
"Well, that’s not gonna help anything," Chris pressed again.
"God dammit Chris, let it be OK? I don’t want to talk about it, now stop asking!"
"Well, it’s nice to see that some things never change," Chris snapped, before he could catch himself.
"What the fuck does that mean?" Erin asked, her tone grew angry.
"Nothing," Chris snapped. "I suppose maybe you can go back inside and tell Tim…maybe he can help ya’ out," he blurted, without thinking.
"You got one thing right, I’m goin’ inside; have a good night Chris," Erin sharply quipped as she quickly rose to head for the door.
Chris followed her, trying to apologize and explain.
"Good night Chris," Erin coldly dismissed, closing the door in his face.
"Fuck this!" Chris barked toward the door.
Later, as Chris returned from walking Bailey, he noticed a missed call on his cell; it was Erin. He reluctantly returned her call.
"Hey," she somberly answered.
"Yeah?" Chris greeted with a chill in his voice. "I missed your call, what’s up Erin?" Chris measured his tone.
"Look," she began, "I’m sorry Chris; I got bad news from work and I didn’t mean to snap at you," Erin apologized.
"Don’t worry bout' it Erin, I understand," Chris maintained an icy tone.
"OK; I’ll talk with you tomorrow?" Erin asked with a level of contrition.
"Yeah, sounds good Erin, have a good night."
Erin caught Chris before he hung up. "Hey...Chris, look, why did you say what you said about Tim?"
"No reason Erin, it just seems that I walked into a situation that I don’t need to be in between you two."
"Me and Tim had a brief thing," Erin began to explain. "I do have feelings for Tim but we cooled things down, we never were serious and we’re very good friends Chris. Don’t put pressure on this right now," Erin warned.
"OK Erin, I wont;. Look, I need to go to bed OK?"
"OK Chris, I’ll talk with you tomorrow," Erin assured, sensing that there was no way to repair their spat tonight.
Chris immediately hung up the phone.
"A spat?? How are you two having a spat?? You haven’t been together long enough," Marie asked on the other end of the phone.
"Her room mate told me about the other guy in the house, they had a “thing.”
"So what?" Marie dismissed. Chris, if you go and get jealous and start freakin’ out you’re gonna end up where you started," Marie warned.
"Yeah, well I don’t give a shit; it’s heading there now, it seems."
"Will you calm down and stop being hyperactive for a freakin’ second Chris??"
"No, Marie, I won’t. This isn’t happening all over again," Chris stubbornly retorted.
"What’s not happening, you over reacting? You going out with someone and being friends with another girl? Tell me, what, Chris? That Erin saw other guys before you came along and after the break up? Exactly what’s not happening Chris?"
"God dammit it Marie, that’s not fair, it’s not the same and you know it!" Chris shot back.
"Yeah? You and Erin were a couple, things went south because, among many things, you had that pesky wife thing goin’ on and now you wanna be friends with Angela?? All the pressure between you and Erin built, so you two flipped out on each other and then you got jealous and drove things in the ground further. Sounds the same to me. Stop me if I’m wrong Chris," Marie chastised.
"Tell me this Chris, when the downward turn began with you two, what was your friend’s name?? The girl...oh, what was her name? Oh, that’s right, Kristin!!" Marie sarcastically reminded.
"She was a friend and you know it Marie!" Chris barked.
"Oh…You two never crossed the line though right? Just friends, huh?" Marie laughed.
"Me and Erin were broken up by then Marie."
"Yeah? Well, seems like she crossed the friendship line with someone during that time too. Wait! I see it now Chris…It’s OK for you to do it but not her, right?"
"Fuck you Marie, that’s not fair!" Chris yelled into the phone.
"You ever tell Erin about Kristen?"
"You know damn well that I didn't...we weren't dating Marie and the Kristen thing was a split second!"
"Then understand the thing with she and Tim; you WEREN’T dating. Are you really doing this again Chris? Jesus! Keep your head on straight this time, please?" Marie pleaded.
Chris lowered his tone, trying to explain. "After I realized and accepted that Erin and I were done, I started getting shit in better shape, but I couldn’t get past one thing."
"What thing Chris?"
Chris continued, "every time I started to move forward and things got better and better each day, I’d talk with Erin and she’d tell me shit like she’s not sure that she doesn’t want us to ever be together or that she and him weren’t serious; she‘d say we can be friends, maybe even more, when it’s right. It filled me with hope.
"OK, so fucking what Chris? She was confused, that’s normal. Not easy for you, I know, probably agonizing, but it’s normal. She’s not the same person anymore, and I sure as hell hope you’re not.
"Damn it Marie, do you think she ever knew how hard hearing that shit was for me?"
I don’t know Chris, maybe, I’d say probably, but it doesn’t matter. You can’t control confusion in someone else’s head. When she seemed confused you should have just said, or at the very least resolved in your own head, Hey Erin, I love you but I’m not confused! I know what happened in the past and it was bad, but I know what I want, you may not want that right now and it’s cool. I love you but I’m moving on! You don’t need a fucking second chance for that. it was plain and clear the first time and you wouldn’t have sunken to the point where you were if you‘d opened your eyes for a second," Marie scolded.
"Think about it Chris, she was confused because she loved you and she liked someone else, someone who happened to be lower key. Someone who didn’t have the past that you two had. Someone who was a safe refuge during a tough time, until you guys could heal, something she briefly needed as a way to escape. It probably felt good and conflicting at the same time. He was like a bowl of fucking ice cream Chris! A vacation! But, in your twisted mind, you had em’ walkin’ down the aisle. He was a friend in a time of need. A good friend.
Chris silently listened to Marie's animated explanation, trying hard not to interject. His emotions swirled as she continued the lecture.
"Chris, NOBODY settles with a rebound relationship after a hard break up; that’s why you didn’t accept a relationship with Danielle, she liked you a lot. And, Kristin, she was just... well we know what she was; she never had a chance cause’ she was at ground zero.
You should have accepted that Erin got confused while you unconfused yourself. And, if she came back, down the road, you would mentally be in a better place where your thoughts about her were concerned. A place where you could say, hey, you know what? I’ve moved on Erin, I love you, but I can't go back. Or, get back with her, it doesn’t matter. You should have worked on moving on and if and when the time came for a second round you’d be able to decide what’s best for CHRIS! Or, what’s best for her. She probably would have realized and been back around sooner actually."
Marie barely took a breath. She was finally exhausted with babysitting Chris as evidenced in her tone.
"Instead, you hung on to every word, every vague statement, every sliver of hope that you could find in her words and it put you where you were a few months ago, in front of your gate. And you’re fucking crazy if you think that Erin wouldn’t have been worried shitless if she had found you that night instead of Thomas. By the way, do you know how Goddamn lucky you are that you’re not dead and to have a second chance?"
Chris sighed. "I just don’t want to repeat the past," Chris' tone conveyed a deep feeling of hopelessness in his answer.
"Well, you kind of are repeating the past anyway by being with Erin again, but if that’s what you want, at least get your emotions and stubbornness in check. Chris, I’m not your mother or father, I’m your friend and I’m only tellin’ you the hard truth. Be smart. Calm down. If this works, then it works, but I’ve always told you, from day one, to be prepared for anything. No one else can make your decisions or control your emotions except for you. Same for Erin. But, I can tell ya’ this, if you try to control this situation you’re gonna sink, and I mean fast.
"I never felt right about the Kristen thing Marie; I felt guilty. It's not fair that you brought that up. Even though I was single, I thought it was a fluke, rebound nerves. Then, I became closer with Danielle, It felt the same…it just felt weird. Yet Erin seemed pretty comfortable with her thing," Chris confessed.
"That doesn’t mean Erin was comfortable with her explorations Chris; you just don’t know that sweetheart." Marie tried her best to be firm, but consoling. "You’ve learned a lot Chris, you really have. Don’t ignore it, use it. Let go of the past. You two have a second chance here, but I’m beginning to wonder if you really want a second chance; deep down. I think you still beat yourself up for the past and now it’s creeping out of that stubborn head again.
"Marie, I made her move with me…FOR me," Chris interjected, almost in tears.
"Then, move her again, in her heart Chris. I'll bet she's worked hard to forgive and work through the past…have you?
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