In a town that’s notorious for parties, Mardi Gras being the grand daddy of ALL parties, the toughest decision in New Orleans is deciding which event to attend.
New Orleans is not afraid to celebrate; it's another characteristic which keeps Alcoholics Anonymous in business.
Parades and second lines can appear out of nowhere at any time of year and at any moment of the day. As one New Orleans credo goes…we put the “Fun” in funeral.
The decision, tonight, is not tough for Chris. He’s been invited to a social event which is being thrown by several government and business leaders. Network and local organizers typically toss invites to members of the media for such soirées on the basis that it’s a prime opportunity to network and tuck a few, new found, future contacts under one’s belt...a giant ass-kissing fest, with great food and alcohol.
"Shit! I don’t wanna’ go stag," Chris groaned; looking at the embossed invitation in his hand.
He knew that it was expected for him to attend, especially since he was trying to work his way back up the ladder, therefore, this was a must appear thing.
Chris dialed Marie’s cell.
"Hey, what are you doin’ Friday night?" Chris casually inquired.
"I’m off for once; why?"
"I've got a thing, a party," He answered. "Each year a bunch of city leaders and big business people throw a party to pat each other on the back and be phony for a few hours," he continued to explain.
"Sounds lovely," Marie sarcastically yawned on the other end of the phone.
"Yeah, well, expensive wine and liquor make it a bit more tolerable, plus I gotta be seen at this thing but I don’t wanna go alone."
"Wow, Chris, you sure know how to make a girl feel sooo special."
"Stop it Marie; you know what I mean," Chris snapped.
"Sure, I’ll go; what time does it start?"
"It’s at 7pm at the Ritz," Chris excitedly answered.
"OK, Casanova; will you be picking me up or should I take the streetcar? Or maybe I’ll hitchhike or ride my bicycle; do they valet bicycles?"
"I’ll pick you up," Chris replied; Marie’s sarcasm completely sailed over his head.
Surveying the grand ballroom, while nibbling on caviar, Marie whispered to Chris, as though she were a fish out of water:
"Wow, I wonder what the commoners are doin’ tonight?"
"Well, two of them are standing right here," Chris dryly replied. "Try not to get us tossed outta here, please."
Marie smiled, sipping an expensive glass of wine.
"You know what I just noticed? Marie curiously asked.
"What? That you're dropping food all over the floor?" Chris replied.
"Besides that...I've noticed that these bartenders are snobby," Marie pointed out. "They’d never make it through a Saturday night at the pub; they couldn‘t handle it."
"What? That you're dropping food all over the floor?" Chris replied.
"Besides that...I've noticed that these bartenders are snobby," Marie pointed out. "They’d never make it through a Saturday night at the pub; they couldn‘t handle it."
"Yeah, well I don’t exactly think a brawl is gonna break out in here. And, Jager - Bombs probably aren’t on the menu here," Chris deadpanned.
"Not yet, but the night is young," she teased. "I’ll crawl over the freakin' bar and show em’ how it’s done baby!" Marie laughed, accidentally dropping her bar-b-cue shrimp on the ballroom carpet.
"Yeah, that would be great if you did that Marie," Chris whispered as he picked up her shrimp, casually tossing it in a nearby trash can.
"Oh Shit!" Chris yelled in the loudest whisper possible, tugging frantically at Marie's arm, causing her to slosh wine on the floor.
Chris spotted Erin who slowly made her way toward he and Marie.
"What?" Marie asked, wiping red wine from her leg.
Erin had noticed Chris from across the ballroom and excused herself from conversation with her boss and his friends to pop over and say hello to her new friend.
Chris spotted Erin who slowly made her way toward he and Marie.
"What?" Marie asked, wiping red wine from her leg.
Erin had noticed Chris from across the ballroom and excused herself from conversation with her boss and his friends to pop over and say hello to her new friend.
"It’s Erin!" Chris anxiously announced.
"Oh my God, where??" Marie excitedly scanned the room.
"She’s coming straight for us; don’t be obvious Marie, act casual, he snapped in a whisper."
Marie stared at Erin who was politely inching her way through the crowd.
"Wow! She’s beautiful," Marie complimented. "I’d “do her, and I‘m not even gay."
"Can you not have turrets syndrome for a few minutes?" Chris begged.
Marie laughed. "Oh, stop being so nervous; introduce me to her. By the way," Marie wondered aloud, "why didn’t you ever bring her to the pub?"
"Because the pub was my quiet place," Chris replied. "Present company excluded," he continued.
"That sounded like an insult," Marie snapped.
"Hey there," Erin greeted, smiling at Chris as she curiously glanced at Marie.
"Hey Erin, how’ve you been?" Chris politely asked.
"I’m well; my boss is one of the organizers so we’re here mingling and hitting the open bar, just like everyone else I suppose," Erin replied, noticing the food crumbs at Marie's feet.
Nervously trying to divert attention, Chris changed the subject.
"They don’t have any pool tables in here do they?"
"I don’t think so, so your dignity shall remain in tact here tonight," Erin laughed.
"That’s questionable," Marie quietly chimed in.
Chris glared at Marie.
"Oh, I’m sorry; Erin this is Marie."
Marie extended her hand. "Hi Erin nice to meet you; I’ve heard a lot about you."
Chris shot a look of horror to Marie. Erin seemed puzzled by Marie's statement.
Chris interrupted with a nervous laugh, while thoughts raced through his mind as to how he might be able to shoot Marie and get away with it.
Finally, he corrected, "She means that I got beat up pretty badly at pool, that’s all she means; I told her about it.
"Yeah," Marie quickly assured, "he told me about the pool match."
Chris snatched Marie’s glass away and placed it on the tray."
"No more wine for you," he curtly whispered.
Chris, Erin and Marie made small talk for a few moments before Erin glanced back to her boss and his entourage; he scanned the room for Erin.
"Well, I better get back over there," Erin excused herself.
"Yeah, I understand; it was great to see you. I’ll have to get back over to your bar again soon."
"That would be nice," Erin smiled.
"Marie, would you excuse us? I’ll be right back," Chris politely excused himself.
"Sure honey, I’ll be right here; don’t be long OK?" Marie stroked Chris' arm, mischievously putting him on the spot with Erin.
Chris walked with Erin halfway across the room, shooting nasty glares back toward Marie as she stood, playfully waving back to him.
"Goddamn it! I’m gonna kill her," he whispered under his breath.
Erin laughed.
"Your girlfriend might get jealous."
"She’s not my girlfriend," Chris quickly corrected. "As a matter of fact, she’s a nun; she's attending nun school. I understand that she's at the top of her class," Chris quickly dismissed.
"Reeeally?" Erin played along. "What constitutes being at the top of nun school? Being able to wield a ruler and not have sex?" Erin giggled.
"No," he continued; his tone turned serious. "Actually, she’s just coming to grips with herself and her sexuality; she’s a lesbian…Like, a hard core, man hating lesbian," Chris announced. "She just put on those frilly clothes tonight for the event; usually she wears jean shorts and tennis shoes."
"Yeah?" Erin asked, still smiling, glancing over Chris’ shoulder at Marie, who stood in the distance intently staring toward she and Chris.
"Well, I've got news for ya' I think she may be falling off the lesbionic wagon tonight," Erin teased.
"No! No! Her girlfriend is real jealous, she can beat me up," Chris assured. "Of course, now that I think about it, almost anyone can beat me up."
Erin again, laughed. "You’re silly; look, don’t worry bout’ it Chris," Erin assured with a calming smile.
Chris’ mind searched the past. She wore that familiar smile which briefly transported him far from this opulent ballroom to a pleasant memory from another time, tucked away in the far reaches of his mind.
"Don’t worry bout’ it honey, seriously." Erin assured with a calm and loving voice.
Chris had accidentally broken one of Erin’s antique pieces that she’d bought in Ireland while visiting family.
As he surveyed the shattered mess on the hallway floor, Erin continued to reassure him. "It’s no big deal," she said.
"It is a big deal! Shit! I feel terrible; I’ll replace it," he assured, looking at the pieces on the hardwood floor.
"Oh for God's sake, will you stop it…now let’s go, we’re gonna be late," Erin dismissively waved
.
"Chris? Uh, Chris? You OK?" Erin’s voice jolted him back to the present.
"Um...Yeah. Sorry, I was just thinking about something I forgot to do back at the office," he nervously replied.
"You look like you’ve seen a ghost; do you need to sit down?"
Chris smiled, "No, no I’m OK.
"Well, good. Look, I gotta get back over there to my boss but I’ll see ya’ around," Erin said as she turned away.
"Erin!" Chris called out.
Erin stopped and walked back to Chris as he awkwardly tried to explain.
"Look, Marie is a good friend. She’s heard a lot about you because, well, because, uh…what I mean is…"
"Take a moment if you need to," Erin interrupted with a laugh.
Chris continued to trip over his words badly.
"Would you like to have dinner tomorrow night?" Or the next night or Thursday. Actually, I'm pretty much free anytime for the rest of the month." Adrenalin roared through Chris’ ears as he finally pushed himself to ask Erin out for a date.
Erin smiled, studying Chris’ eyes. "God!" She thought, "he’s got really nice eyes." After a short pause, she finally responded. "Sure, that sounds nice." Erin handed Chris her card, "call me tomorrow."
"Uh, OK," he breathed a sigh of relief. "Then, I'll talk to you and hopefully see you tomorrow, he grinned like a love-struck teenager.
Chris strolled across the ballroom toward Marie, glaring at her the entire way.
"Well???" Marie anxiously pried.
"What the fuck were you thinking?" Chris whispered.
"What??" Marie innocently asked.
"Don’t fucking what me; you almost ruined that for me."
"Oh, settle down Chris; did you get a date?"
"Yeah, tomorrow, no thanks to you," he snapped.
"Oooh, I wanna go!! I wanna see how you operate yo’ Mo Jo baby," she playfully begged, laughing and sloshing more wine to the ballroom floor.
"How many glasses of wine have you had?" Chris pressed.
As Marie and Chris talked, they were completely unaware that Erin casually glanced over from time to time with a curious smile.
"Alright, can we blow this joint? Or did you not get a chance to see everyone and kiss every one's ass that needed to be kissed tonight?" Marie flippantly asked as she downed a glass of wine.
"Seriously, how many of those have you had?" Chris snapped back, snatching the empty glass.
Outside, Marie and Chris waited for the valet to retrieve the car as Chris noticed Erin’s room mate a few feet away. He’d come to pick her up. Tim walked around to open Erin’s door; Chris held his head low, staring at the sidewalk.
"Hey…you got a date tomorrow; will you stop worrying before there’s anything to worry about, please?" Marie scolded.
Chris got in the car, deeply in thought. As Marie closed the passenger door she stared at him from the passenger seat.
"Thanks for opening MY door."
"Shit! I’m sorry Marie. Jesus! I wasn't thinking."
"I’m kidding Chris…chill baby; you did well tonight. AND, you didn’t wear a gay tie."
"Very funny Marie."
Just do yourself a favor and remember to open her door tomorrow," she teased.
After a couple of blocks, Chris slammed on the brakes:
"Damn it! Fuck!"
"What now??" Marie asked.
"I was supposed to go visit Angela today; they moved her to a regular room," he frantically replied.
"Are you fucking kidding me??" Marie laughed.
"No, I’m not kidding; I promised. We gotta stop by there."
What?? like, right now?? Tell me Chris, am I riding along on the ex-girlfriend tour tonight or what? Maybe we can have banners made and go rent a bus and everything. As a matter of fact, while we're at it, let's drive to Virginia and visit your very first girlfriend tonight," Marie sarcastically suggested.
"Nah, she lives in California now," Chris dismissed as they sped away.
copyright, Pontchartrain Press 2008
"Oh my God, where??" Marie excitedly scanned the room.
"She’s coming straight for us; don’t be obvious Marie, act casual, he snapped in a whisper."
Marie stared at Erin who was politely inching her way through the crowd.
"Wow! She’s beautiful," Marie complimented. "I’d “do her, and I‘m not even gay."
"Can you not have turrets syndrome for a few minutes?" Chris begged.
Marie laughed. "Oh, stop being so nervous; introduce me to her. By the way," Marie wondered aloud, "why didn’t you ever bring her to the pub?"
"Because the pub was my quiet place," Chris replied. "Present company excluded," he continued.
"That sounded like an insult," Marie snapped.
"Hey there," Erin greeted, smiling at Chris as she curiously glanced at Marie.
"Hey Erin, how’ve you been?" Chris politely asked.
"I’m well; my boss is one of the organizers so we’re here mingling and hitting the open bar, just like everyone else I suppose," Erin replied, noticing the food crumbs at Marie's feet.
Nervously trying to divert attention, Chris changed the subject.
"They don’t have any pool tables in here do they?"
"I don’t think so, so your dignity shall remain in tact here tonight," Erin laughed.
"That’s questionable," Marie quietly chimed in.
Chris glared at Marie.
"Oh, I’m sorry; Erin this is Marie."
Marie extended her hand. "Hi Erin nice to meet you; I’ve heard a lot about you."
Chris shot a look of horror to Marie. Erin seemed puzzled by Marie's statement.
Chris interrupted with a nervous laugh, while thoughts raced through his mind as to how he might be able to shoot Marie and get away with it.
Finally, he corrected, "She means that I got beat up pretty badly at pool, that’s all she means; I told her about it.
"Yeah," Marie quickly assured, "he told me about the pool match."
Chris snatched Marie’s glass away and placed it on the tray."
"No more wine for you," he curtly whispered.
Chris, Erin and Marie made small talk for a few moments before Erin glanced back to her boss and his entourage; he scanned the room for Erin.
"Well, I better get back over there," Erin excused herself.
"Yeah, I understand; it was great to see you. I’ll have to get back over to your bar again soon."
"That would be nice," Erin smiled.
"Marie, would you excuse us? I’ll be right back," Chris politely excused himself.
"Sure honey, I’ll be right here; don’t be long OK?" Marie stroked Chris' arm, mischievously putting him on the spot with Erin.
Chris walked with Erin halfway across the room, shooting nasty glares back toward Marie as she stood, playfully waving back to him.
"Goddamn it! I’m gonna kill her," he whispered under his breath.
Erin laughed.
"Your girlfriend might get jealous."
"She’s not my girlfriend," Chris quickly corrected. "As a matter of fact, she’s a nun; she's attending nun school. I understand that she's at the top of her class," Chris quickly dismissed.
"Reeeally?" Erin played along. "What constitutes being at the top of nun school? Being able to wield a ruler and not have sex?" Erin giggled.
"No," he continued; his tone turned serious. "Actually, she’s just coming to grips with herself and her sexuality; she’s a lesbian…Like, a hard core, man hating lesbian," Chris announced. "She just put on those frilly clothes tonight for the event; usually she wears jean shorts and tennis shoes."
"Yeah?" Erin asked, still smiling, glancing over Chris’ shoulder at Marie, who stood in the distance intently staring toward she and Chris.
"Well, I've got news for ya' I think she may be falling off the lesbionic wagon tonight," Erin teased.
"No! No! Her girlfriend is real jealous, she can beat me up," Chris assured. "Of course, now that I think about it, almost anyone can beat me up."
Erin again, laughed. "You’re silly; look, don’t worry bout’ it Chris," Erin assured with a calming smile.
Chris’ mind searched the past. She wore that familiar smile which briefly transported him far from this opulent ballroom to a pleasant memory from another time, tucked away in the far reaches of his mind.
"Don’t worry bout’ it honey, seriously." Erin assured with a calm and loving voice.
Chris had accidentally broken one of Erin’s antique pieces that she’d bought in Ireland while visiting family.
As he surveyed the shattered mess on the hallway floor, Erin continued to reassure him. "It’s no big deal," she said.
"It is a big deal! Shit! I feel terrible; I’ll replace it," he assured, looking at the pieces on the hardwood floor.
"Oh for God's sake, will you stop it…now let’s go, we’re gonna be late," Erin dismissively waved
.
"Chris? Uh, Chris? You OK?" Erin’s voice jolted him back to the present.
"Um...Yeah. Sorry, I was just thinking about something I forgot to do back at the office," he nervously replied.
"You look like you’ve seen a ghost; do you need to sit down?"
Chris smiled, "No, no I’m OK.
"Well, good. Look, I gotta get back over there to my boss but I’ll see ya’ around," Erin said as she turned away.
"Erin!" Chris called out.
Erin stopped and walked back to Chris as he awkwardly tried to explain.
"Look, Marie is a good friend. She’s heard a lot about you because, well, because, uh…what I mean is…"
"Take a moment if you need to," Erin interrupted with a laugh.
Chris continued to trip over his words badly.
"Would you like to have dinner tomorrow night?" Or the next night or Thursday. Actually, I'm pretty much free anytime for the rest of the month." Adrenalin roared through Chris’ ears as he finally pushed himself to ask Erin out for a date.
Erin smiled, studying Chris’ eyes. "God!" She thought, "he’s got really nice eyes." After a short pause, she finally responded. "Sure, that sounds nice." Erin handed Chris her card, "call me tomorrow."
"Uh, OK," he breathed a sigh of relief. "Then, I'll talk to you and hopefully see you tomorrow, he grinned like a love-struck teenager.
Chris strolled across the ballroom toward Marie, glaring at her the entire way.
"Well???" Marie anxiously pried.
"What the fuck were you thinking?" Chris whispered.
"What??" Marie innocently asked.
"Don’t fucking what me; you almost ruined that for me."
"Oh, settle down Chris; did you get a date?"
"Yeah, tomorrow, no thanks to you," he snapped.
"Oooh, I wanna go!! I wanna see how you operate yo’ Mo Jo baby," she playfully begged, laughing and sloshing more wine to the ballroom floor.
"How many glasses of wine have you had?" Chris pressed.
As Marie and Chris talked, they were completely unaware that Erin casually glanced over from time to time with a curious smile.
"Alright, can we blow this joint? Or did you not get a chance to see everyone and kiss every one's ass that needed to be kissed tonight?" Marie flippantly asked as she downed a glass of wine.
"Seriously, how many of those have you had?" Chris snapped back, snatching the empty glass.
Outside, Marie and Chris waited for the valet to retrieve the car as Chris noticed Erin’s room mate a few feet away. He’d come to pick her up. Tim walked around to open Erin’s door; Chris held his head low, staring at the sidewalk.
"Hey…you got a date tomorrow; will you stop worrying before there’s anything to worry about, please?" Marie scolded.
Chris got in the car, deeply in thought. As Marie closed the passenger door she stared at him from the passenger seat.
"Thanks for opening MY door."
"Shit! I’m sorry Marie. Jesus! I wasn't thinking."
"I’m kidding Chris…chill baby; you did well tonight. AND, you didn’t wear a gay tie."
"Very funny Marie."
Just do yourself a favor and remember to open her door tomorrow," she teased.
After a couple of blocks, Chris slammed on the brakes:
"Damn it! Fuck!"
"What now??" Marie asked.
"I was supposed to go visit Angela today; they moved her to a regular room," he frantically replied.
"Are you fucking kidding me??" Marie laughed.
"No, I’m not kidding; I promised. We gotta stop by there."
What?? like, right now?? Tell me Chris, am I riding along on the ex-girlfriend tour tonight or what? Maybe we can have banners made and go rent a bus and everything. As a matter of fact, while we're at it, let's drive to Virginia and visit your very first girlfriend tonight," Marie sarcastically suggested.
"Nah, she lives in California now," Chris dismissed as they sped away.
copyright, Pontchartrain Press 2008
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