Winds Of Change Chapter 23

  As the evening Shrimp extravaganza concluded for Chris and Angela, Chris mentally chastised himself for not yet setting things straight between the two of them

"...I had fun tonight," Angela smiled, standing with Chris at the bottom step of the porch.

"Me too…I don’t think I’ll be eating shrimp for a while," Chris assured, holding his stomach.

"I know, right? It was like the Forrest Gump scene," Angela laughed.

  Chris began his best imitation of Bubba, from Forrest Gump.

"...Shrimp scampi, shrimp gumbo, grilled shrimp, fried shrimp, boiled shrimp…"

  Angela moved forward and gave Chris a hug. They leaned back, looking at each other for a moment when Angela leaned closer until their lips softly touched. They shared a gentle kiss.

  They tilted their heads back, slightly, looking at one another again under the glow from a gas lamp at the top of Angela's porch.

  Chris’ mind raced. He hadn’t kissed Angela in years and it had been even longer since they shared a tender moment like this.  A moment where two people completely disappear into their own senses, their own minds.  It was reminiscent of a time that had once existed between he and Angela; a time that Chris assumed was forever to be but became forever lost.

  Chris stepped back, his thoughts transported him to the past, to another place. He could see it, vividly, in his mind as he smiled at Angela. Her face was as beautiful as he'd remembered.  He stared at her skin, softly illuminated in the flickering glow of the gas lamp.

"...You know, I’m glad we can finally be friends after all this, Chris,"  Chris replayed Angela's words shortly after their divorce.  

  They'd both agreed to meet for coffee at a downtown cafe' in order to exchange some financial paperwork. 

"...Chris, I know it was awkward for both of us through the separation and the divorce, but this is nice; it's really nice to chat with you again," Angela comforted. 

"Well," Chris began, "I was mad and bitter for a while."

"So was I,  Chris. I now know that we both grew apart and became different people. I know we both should have sat down, long before it got out of control, we should have been more truthful," Angela continued.

"Yeah," Chris calmly agreed. "I just wasn’t happy and I knew you weren’t. I suppose we were BOTH in denial because of how long we were together," he explained.

"Well, I hope we can get together and talk once in a while, it’s nice," Angela suggested.

"You know that we probably wont, after a while," Chris rationalized. "...I mean, your boyfriend wouldn’t like it and I’m sure he doesn’t know where you are right NOW."

"No, he doesn’t, and I’m sure your girlfriend doesn’t either," Angela volleyed.

"We’re not together anymore," Chris admitted, staring at his hands.


"It’s none of my business, so I won’t pry," Angela politely dismissed.  "You can talk about it if you want," Angela empathetically offered. 

  Chris intently stared into Angela's eyes before grimly offering an explanation; "I accidentally ran over her with a lawn mower.  Sadly, she's no longer with us," he explained with a straight face.  "...Since I was worried that the police would arrest me for suspicion of murder, I did the logical thing," Chris continued, as Angela held back laughter.

"DID you now?  What did you, logically, do?" She played along.

"I chopped her into tiny pieces and buried her in the back yard, next to the cat.  She always loved cats," Chris continued, faking a mournful tone.
 

"You're a nut!" Angie laughed as her cell phone chirped a text alert. "Look, I gotta go, OK?" Angela rose from her chair to leave.  "...You’re gonna be OK, right?" she pressed.

"Yeah, I’m fine." Chris felt deep frustration as he answered but he masked it behind a polite smile.

  After all, he reasoned, she had places to be; her boyfriend was waiting and, at this point, he felt pretty stupid at the prospect of sharing anything deeper with his ex wife after he divorced her. He really wasn’t even sure why she came to see him in the first place; Financials can be completed  via email.  But he accepted this moment as a friendly gesture.

  Perhaps, that day at the cafe' facilitated an official moment of closure for her, perhaps,  for both of them. They both knew that there would be no regular coffee chats or social calls; theirs was a civilized moment of closure...Plain, simple and necessary.

"You OK, Chris?" Angie asked, breaking Chris’ mental replay of their final post divorce encounter.

"...Yeah, I’m good."  Chris quickly shook his head, thinking that if she only knew what he knew as they stood there on that porch.

"Look, Angie, I had a good time tonight but..."  Chris paused for a moment before carefully continuing.  "...I can’t do this," Chris grimly confessed, searching his heart, silently praying for the right words to follow.

"Chris, I'm not looking to settle down and move in together, or anything crazy like that," Angela anxiously explained.

"No, no, it’s not that." Chris smiled, reaching for Angela's hand, guiding her to sit with him on the bottom step. "...The truth is," Chris began, "...well, the truth, is that I’m really not past my feelings for someone else." 

  Angela stared ahead, silently taking in this confession from Chris.

"Look, Angie, the girl is not in love with me, but, the bottom line is that, my heart is elsewhere."

   Angela’s lips tightened, a slight smile crossed her face as she turned her eyes upward to the right. The same look, as Chris remembered, when she prepared herself to hear something that she didn’t want to hear.

 

  He’d witnessed it in the past, when he had to be the bearer of bad, but truthful, news.   Chris summoned every ounce of energy in his body in order to remain composed as he studied Angela’s face.

"How could you kiss me like that if you’re with someone else?" Angela  demanded.

"We just started talking again,"  Chris explained. 

"Your ex?" Angela sighed.

"...Yeah, my ex," Chris answered. 

"...Angela, I don’t know where it’s gonna go, or if it can possibly go; this is very new to me, more than you could possibly know. But, I have to be honest with myself, to her, and to you."

"You’re heart is elsewhere," Angela quietly repeated, staring at her shoes.

"Yeah, it is," Chris softly confirmed.

  Chris and Angela sat, silently, on the bottom step for a few moments when Angela gently pulled Chris’ hand to hers.

"I had a good time with you tonight, Chris; I hope you find what you’re looking for, what’s right for you."

 
  Chris stood, extending his hand down to Angela to pull her up from the step. He leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. She returned, with the same, gentle kiss. "...I hope I do, too."

  As Chris opened his car door, Angela yelled from the porch.

"Hey!"

"Yeah?" Chris answered. 

"You think I can hang out with Marie, still, or would that be uncomfortable?? She’s fun," Angela asked with a polite smile.

"...Of course, I don’t see why not," Chris replied.  "Just be prepared for her to randomly butt into your business, embarrass you at any and every social event, and to give out your cell number to banged up people in the hospital...or the grocery or a bar," Chris deadpanned, with a slight smile.

"Ha!  I've been so warned, I suppose,"  Angela shot back. "Since she gave me YOUR number, are you tryin’ to give me a hint to delete it?

"...Never," Chris assured, closing his car door and turning the ignition.

copyright, Pontchartrain Press 2008